Are you a Slacker? The 4 levels of Slackerism

The co-worker with feet up reading; The co-worker who is constantly out sick, at the doctor, or otherwise engaged in non-work activities; The co-worker who is perpetually saying how busy he is, but produces nothing; The co-worker who constantly needs more information to get anything done. These are the four levels of Slakerism. Slackers come in many forms, some employing very sophisticated tactics to maintain their life of ease. Read on if you dare, but don’t be alarmed if you find some of yourself in these slackers!

Level 1 – The lazy slacker
This is the traditional slacker. He is easy to spot because he is relaxing and talking instead of working. When forced to work, he moves slowly, often taking weeks to perform simple tasks. This slacker is a person not concerned about losing their job. Often his or her boss slacks also. However, because this slacking is so obvious, this person does eventually get his due. If not fired for outright laziness, be assured that he will at least not climb the ladder and may one day work for you. At which point you can fire him.

Level 2 – The HR slacker
This slacker uses HR policies to avoid work. They take numerous sick days, they come in late and leave early for “family emergencies” more often than a non-hospitalized person should. Sure, we all need to balance our work and life. We all get sick sometimes. The HR slacker takes this to the edge of possibility knowing that company policies can protect them. Working from home becomes a free vacation day. Other than not being at work, this slacker can be spotted by frequent Monday and Friday absences and no ability to reach them. Dealing with this slacker is more difficult. His management may not be able nor willing to document and deal with the issue. This slacker often does a decent job when at the office, making it more difficult to remove him. To further play the HR card, this slacker will often fight any criticism vehemently, and will threaten HR action. The only real path to normalcy for this slacker is to document everything and beat him at his own game. Live by HR, die by HR.

Level 3 – The busy-bee
“I’m too busy for that”, “Put it on my calendar for next month”, “I can’t make that meeting today, I’m swamped”. The busy-bee uses faux business to hide the fact that he does very little. Always on the run, this slacker is so bust looking busy that no actual work gets done. These slackers often inhabit a workspace that can be secured to surprise visits by co-workers. Often these slackers inhabit offices or secured area of the building (IT data centers?). They are social animals, always out talking to friends or other busy-bees, creating a hive of busyness that protects all from seeming idle, and taking them away from their work areas to further enhance their hectic illusion. Dealing with the busy-bee is harder still. They are likely at a decent position in the organization. Many have perfected the art of getting others to do their work (often you). They play politics well due to all the time they spend schmoosing, so promotions can come easy to them. Most insidious of all, their kind likes to absorb others into the hive (often you). Beware of succumbing to the charms of the busy-bee. Seeming busy, being respects, getting work done (by others doing it for you) is a siren call that many cannot resist. The downfall of the busy-bee is that there comes a time when others will not, or can not do their work, and they are left under skilled and unable to do it themselves. In addition, playing so deeply in the political trenches has its own risks. These two often combine to cause the downfall of the busy-bee.

Level 4 – The process shield
There are some who seem to believe that there is no problem that the application of process cannot fix. I myself am a big believer that a judicious process helps people to come to a common understanding of the tasks at hand while also providing tools to help manage complex issues. However, when a person takes process too far, it is sometime in order to shield themselves from real work. These masters of the slow play can take any task and turn it into a massive pile of bureaucracy. Like the HR slacker, these slackers use the policies of company to keep work at bay. They not only use the existing policy, but seem to create policies out of thin air: “Let me tell you how we need to do things here”. The problem is that the slacker process is a black hole, no matter how well you fulfill their made up processes, there will always be more they need. These slackers are the most difficult to deal with since work does get done, just less than they could do. They also appear to be on top of everything and intent on improving the business (although they really create a productivity pit for everyone around them). Escalation usually does not work since this will invariably lead to a meeting that not only creates more process (with you getting all of the deliverables), but this slacker will also make you look like a whiner and possibly incompetent with a statement like: “ I don’t even know why we are having this meeting, all I need from you is the detailed product description I asked for and we can get this done for you today”. You fall for the bait and counter: “I gave you the product description two weeks ago” (sucker!). Which leads to: “You mean that five-pager you sent me? That was a nice summary, just get me the details and we can move forward”. Shields up! The point here is that there will always be more that you need to give them. At some point they will probably do the work, “as a favor to you”, despite the fact that you did not provide the proper details. Oh, and by the way, should you ever successfully navigate their labyrinth of processes, don’t think you have won; the process will have changed the next time you deal with him. So what is a conscientious person to do? Well, remember that they are, after all, slackers. The whole point of their game is to avoid work. As distasteful as it is, adding some process on your end that causes definite deliverables on their end sometimes works to get them to back down. Sometimes this is a simple as squeduling a meeting. They key is to create more work for them to follow your process then it is to do the work in the first place. Here you might find this slacker coming to your door for a pow-wow to discuss if “we can just agree to get this done without all the paperwork and meetings”. Once they know that you mean business. They will take the easy way, and just get things done.